


If you must kill me, do it slow, and hold me while I go

by sweetdreamsbaby



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Upside Down, Angst, BDSM, Billy is the king of pet names, Biting, Breathplay, Consensual Non-Consent, Corruption Kink, Crying, Daddy Kink, Dd/lb, Dom!Billy, Dom/sub, Domestic Discipline, Edgeplay, Harringrove, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Impact Play, Kink Fic, Lawyer!Billy, M/M, Masochism, Master/Pet, Overstimulation, Power Couple, Power Play, Punishment, Sadism, Smut, Some Fluff, Somnophilia, Spanking, Subspace, baker!Steve, d/s dynamics, shock collar, sub!Steve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:08:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25318843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetdreamsbaby/pseuds/sweetdreamsbaby
Summary: "Steve has learned to pick up on Billy’s moods better, but there is no guidebook. And he supposes that’s exactly how Billy likes it. To have complete control and keep Steve on his toes. He makes the rules, he sets the tone, and he can change that in the blink of an eye. Steve’s gotten really good at preparing for anything. And simply surrendering to the creative whims and unpredictable fire that is Billy Hargrove. And honestly? Steve wouldn’t have him any other way."Or, another bdsm!harringrove AU because we can never have too many
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 44
Kudos: 201





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The prologue is in Billy's POV but the rest of the story will be written from Steve's POV ❤

One of Billy’s contract lawyers assigned to a low-profile case calls in sick day of. Apparently, they have appendicitis, so he reluctantly takes the case as no one else is available. Should be quick, in and out in an hour. Open and shut case for their client. $60,000 against some bakery shop owner named Steve Harrington. Safety hazard. No warning signs posted. Chick slipped and broke her arm.

Billy wasn’t particularly _thrilled_ that he had to spend his valuable time doing work that was literally millions of dollars below his paygrade… but then he _sees_ Steve Harrington.

And he hears angels. Harps and shit. Never thought much about heaven but he feels like they must have left a gate open or something. The guy is beautiful. And that’s at a distance. He’s tall, built, with the perfect amount of muscle. Not too much or too little for Billy’s taste. Kind face, amazing hair. Like the type of hair kings have. Or so he’d imagine.

Billy literally feels like one of those dumb characters in those chick flick movies where the protagonist is hit with cupid’s arrow. Love at first sight. And that’s just _so_ not him.

Not just the lovey dovey crap, but he’s never once thought of himself as a hero. He’s a shark. In the corporate world and in the private matters of his life. He likes to break things. People. And slowly. With their consent of course.

Billy’s always had a vindictive, dark side of himself. A mean streak. He’s never been one to lose his temper though. Not since he was a teenager. Turned that rage into passion and turned that passion into success. He’s calculative, clever and doesn’t mind playing the long game. If someone or something needs more time to break, all the better for him. He’s always liked a challenge.

The judge speaks and they begin opening statements. Billy introduces himself and does something a little risky.

“Your honor, I’m here to represent Ms. Kowalski and she’s decided to throw the case.”

A wave of whispers can be heard amongst the front of the courthouse. Ms. Kowalski turns to him, clearly about to object when he leans close to whisper in her ear.

“My company is willing to give you an $85,000 buyout for your troubles Ms. Kowalski, and I can write the check right now. I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you.”

It comes out smooth like butter, face soothed and charming in all the right places. And despite the perplexed look on her face, she takes the offering. They both know she’d be stupid not to.

He looks over to Steve who is visibly relieved; tension fallen from his shoulders, face relaxed, hope tugging at the corners of his lips, threatening to spill into a wider smile. And Billy feels high from it. He did that. He made the pretty boy smile.

He turns back to his client and quickly scribbles out the check and gives her a warm handshake, wishing her the best and inviting her to call the firm again if she needs absolutely anything.

The judge confirms the notion with his client and exclaims that the case is dismissed, but Billy’s focus is elsewhere.

*

“Wait. So… you threw out a $60,000 case because you thought I was _cute?_ ” He gapes. Hand moving to his hip, pink mouth plush and parted.

Billy runs a tongue over his lower lip, he shrugs. “That’s what I said.”

Steve stares bewildered and shakes his head after a moment. A smile finally makes its way across his features again. He runs a nervous hand through his voluminous hair and laughs nervously. “Well, thank you? I guess.”

Billy grins, flashing all his teeth. “You can thank me over dinner.”

Steve gets the faintest blush across his cheeks. A truly adorable amount. He purses his lips and squints his eyes. “And what if I say no?”

Billy doesn’t miss a beat. “Do you want to say no?”

Steve considers this a moment. Eyes shifting around the room in thought.

“Look, it’s just dinner.” Billy says. “No strings or expectations. I respect your decision either way. You don’t owe me anything. But I’d be an idiot if I didn’t at least try.”

Something flashes across Steve’s face. Emotions too quick to place.

Billy just holds his breath. Because he _wants_. He wants so bad it hurts.

“Okay.” Steve says. “Okay, you can take me to dinner.” And he’s smiling again. And it’s bright and beautiful. And Billy has won a lot in his life. But nothing could prepare him for the victory he feels running through his veins right now.

Billy grins, delighted. Elated. “Great. Pick you up at 7?”

“Uh, sure.” Steve says, looking sort of dazed as he stares at Billy.

Billy hands him his card, and Steve takes it like he’s never seen one before. “So you can text me your address.” Billy explains. “Are you okay?”

Steve shakes his head a bit as if to clear his thoughts. His eyes are clearer when he says, “Yeah. Definitely. I’ll uh— see you at 7.”

Billy’s wolf smile is back and he can’t help but put his paw on the pretty man’s shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. “See you then Steve. And not a second later,” he winks. And turns on his heel.

Steve looks down at the card. “Billy. Billy Hargrove.” He says quietly to himself.

“What was that about?” Jonathon asks.

Steve swallows, “I think he’s gonna ruin my life.”

Jonathon huffs out a laugh, “And you’re smiling because?” He drags out the last syllable of the word.

“Because I want him too.” Staring off to watch Billy grab his suitcase and leave the courtroom, “And I’m pretty sure I’d thank him for it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter begins 6 months after the prologue (and thus, 6 months into their relationship). I think it's significant to note they have thoroughly discussed kinks, limits, safewords, aftercare, etc. consistently and at length during that time. 🖤

Steve wakes up from being dunked in ice cold water. 

“What the fuck!” 

His head gets dunked underneath the water and he tries to catch his breath as Billy pulls him back up by his shirt collar.

“Billy what—?”

He’s forced under again, cold water going up his nose and sputtering out of his orifices when he is pulled back up again. 

“Billy please—please. Stop.” Steve begs. He reaches for Billy’s wrists frantically.

“Give me one good reason why I should.”

“I— I, um—" 

He gets dunked under again. Longer this time. His body stinging with sharp pain all over from the icy liquid. It’s so cold it burns. And just as he is about to panic because, well, _he can’t fucking breathe,_ Billy drags him up again.

Steve sputters and gasps for air sharply. Billy looks cold and unfazed, detached. 

“I had you followed last night.” Is all he says.

And then he’s reaching for the bath plug and pulls it. Letting the evil tub drain. 

“I packed you a duffle. It’s already downstairs.” He turns around to straighten his tie in the mirror. “You’re staying with me the next few days.”

Steve’s body trembles violently, wet hair sticking to the sides of his face while as he stares at Billy dumbly. 

Billy flicks his eyes to meet Steve’s in the mirror.

“You have five minutes to get yourself together. Then, we’re leaving.” 

He walks out of the bathroom without another word.

*

Steve sits at Billy’s feet in the back of his Cadillac Escalade. This thing is basically a short limo, there’s so much space that Steve can sit comfortably on the floor as Billy combs through Steve’s wet hair. Tucking the strands behind his ears. It’s soothing and calming and incredibly needed after that wake-up call. He’s grateful to be in a change of clothes and tucked between the warmth of Billy’s legs.

He desperately tries not to think about the punishment that awaits him.

Once they get into the building Billy sends Steve straight up to the suite while he stays behind and speaks to the doorman and the front desk clerk. He’s not too far behind though, and makes it into the suite only a minute after Steve, stepping off the shiny, gold elevator.

“Billy, I don’t know what you heard but—"

Billy raises his hand mid-air to cut Steve off. “We have plenty of time to talk. Let’s get you fed. I’m sure you’re starving.” 

And as if on cue, Steve’s stomach growls. He nods somberly. 

They eat at the dining room table in silence. Scrambled eggs, toast, OJ, bacon.

It’s damn delicious. And Steve can’t enjoy it cause his damn Dom is mad at him.

“Billy, I know I was supposed to call you last night, and this is a shitty excuse, but I completely forgot by the time I got home. And—and I know I shouldn’t have— Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m really sorry.”

Billy ignores him completely. Chewing away at his food like nothing happened. Like Steve’s voice was just a gust of wind. Like he doesn’t matter at all.

Billy even glances at his watch, like he has nothing better to do. 

Steve feels tears prick at his eyes. Being ignored is one of his triggers. Not a hard limit. But a soft one. It stings. Makes his heart do things that aren’t all that pleasant. He stares down at his food and tries not to cry. Tries. Fails.

He moves some eggs from one side of the plate to the other while a tear silently rolls down his cheek. 

Billy takes his time finishing his meal and then gets to his feet. “I’ll be in the study. You can come see me when you’ve finished your food and juice.”

And then he’s gone. 

Steve cries more openly now that he’s alone. But he doesn’t let himself cry for long. Billy is waiting. And he wants to be good.

He shoves the rest of the food in his mouth, not really tasting it. And downs the OJ in one swig. Feels himself thaw a little. Feels more grounded even if he is still aching for approval. He doesn’t misbehave often, but when he does it sure fucks with his head enough that he never wants to do it again. 

*****

Billy is waiting for him in his office chair.

Steve lingers in the doorway; unsure of himself. Afraid to even speak without permission. He takes the small window of silence to really take Billy in. He’s dressed in one of his nicer suits. Probably had a meeting this morning. Closed some million-dollar case and shook a few very important people’s hands, all before Steve even woke up. He’s hot as sin. Covered in dark blue Armani. Silky, sinful, and untouchable. The blue hues in his suit make his eyes pop. His blonde curls are combed back. Even anger looks good on him — jaw set, brows tense, squared shoulders. He looks like a famous painting of a very powerful, very dangerous man. 

“C’mere.”

Steve obeys cautiously, stopping a foot in front of the chair. Billy’s eyes flick down to the floor and back up to Steve’s face.

And Steve doesn’t need to be told twice. 

He sinks down to his knees, rests on his haunches. And waits. 

Billy doesn’t start right away. He studies Steve’s face. Stares into Steve’s eyes long enough to surely notice his bloodshot eyes and blotchy cheeks.

Steve can’t help but whimper under his powerful gaze. His scrutiny. 

Steve’s eyes take on a pleading shape all on their own. Like prey silently begging for its life; as it’s gripped in the clutches of its final breaths.

Billy’s voice cuts through the tension like a blade of ice. “I know you’re sorry Steve. But what good is that to me now? I don’t want your apologies… I want you to do as your told. Understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

He tilts his head slightly to one side. “How do we learn in this house, Steve?”

Steve swallows. “By the belt, Sir.”

Billy’s eyes are still cold and calculating as he stares. Not giving Steve an inch. Not a speck of praise or mercy. 

After another minute of considering, Billy lets out a big sigh and pulls something out of his desk drawer. Steve barely gets to peek at it before Billy is snugly securing it around his neck. 

It’s got a plastic compartment that feels cool against Steve’s skin. As well as two metal prongs that dig into the front of his throat. The air gets knocked out of him as the realization hits. This is no regular collar.

Sure enough, Billy reveals a small remote and lets Steve take a good look.

“Let me hear your safe word, pretty boy.”

Steve shudders and tries to swallow down his dread. It doesn’t work.

“Red.”

“Again.”

“Red.”

And just like that, Billy’s cold unaffected eyes turn fierce - full of fire and ruthless intent. 

“Let’s see how well you can follow orders when you’ve got this around your neck.” He spits unforgivingly.

Steve tries to steady his breathing but it feels like he’s got Lego’s caught in his lungs.

Billy holds his chin under his thumb and leans in close. “You’re going to take your punishment like a big boy, aren’t you?”

Steve’s eyes start watering again, while his dick betrays him and gives an interested kick. “Yessir.”

Billy’s hand slides down to his shoulder, obviously not thrilled with the clothing he finds there as he bunches it between his fingers and eyes it murderously.

He stands. His golden rings wrapped in diamonds sparkle in the sunlight as he clutches the remote in his hand. He’s the most breathtaking and terrifying thing Steve has ever seen.

“You have five seconds to take off your clothes.”

Steve wastes the first second registering the demand. And then scrambles to his feet, tearing at his clothes.

He must get them off on time because he doesn’t feel a shock.

But Billy’s got that glint in his eyes. And a smirk hiding beneath his lips.

“Did I say you could stand?”

Steve gets zapped before he has time to answer. The surprise of it makes him flinch more than the pain. He finds his voice quickly enough, not wanting to endure another one. “No, ’M sorry Sir.”

Billy cocks an eyebrow. “Well?”

Steve sinks back down to his knees. Adrenaline pumping and his heart doing acrobats in his chest.

He doesn’t dare look up.

Billy shuffles around him as Steve stares at a piece of lint on the carpet; body strung tight, waiting for the next wave of pain.

Then, there’s a clicking sound behind him and Steve gasps as the front of the shock collar digs into the front of his throat.

“Yeah,” Billy starts, and when Steve looks, Billy’s wrapping the end of a leash tightly around his fist. “I had the collar altered special for you. Had to let them know what a handful my pup could be. What do you say pet?”

Steve chances a glance up to meet his Dom’s eyes. “Thank you, Master.”

Billy hums pleasantly. It’s the first token of praise Steve has gotten from him today and he desperately wants to chase the feeling it gives him.

Billy starts walking, tugging on the leash as he goes. Steve scrambles to catch up. Thankful for the carpet in the study; less thankful when it turns into marble in the den.

At one point Billy picks up the pace. Probably just to watch Steve struggle.

“If you can’t keep up, I’ll drag you the rest of the way by your neck,” he promises darkly.

So, Steve picks up the pace. Knees bruising all the way, he’s sure. The anticipation in his gut keeps the humiliation at bay. Billy leads him into the smallest playroom they have. It’s ‘the mean one’, as Steve calls it. The room meant for harsh punishments. Nothing in here is soft or comforting. It’s full of sharp and mean objects intended to inflict pain. There’s a wooden St. Andrew’s cross on the opposing wall – restraints in place for wrists and ankles. There’s a wooden bench for spankings. Everything in here is hard surfaces and sharp edges. Even the floor isn’t comfortable. By design, Steve imagines.

Once they’re inside, Steve curls into himself. Bites the inside of his cheek and pretends that if he stops breathing, Billy will forget he’s there.

Steve is wound so tight he feels like he’s made of stone. 

“Steve, you still with me?”

Steve flinches and whips his head up, meeting intense eyes. Billy’s checking in. And it gives Steve a distant feeling of comfort.

He nods timidly. And Billy gives him one last second to change his mind before his eyes gloss over to something more unforgiving.

He unhooks the leash from Steve’s collar. “On the bench. You know the position.”

Steve does. He crawls over and throws his torso over the wooden bench, arms crossed behind his back, ass facing Billy. He wishes this was his first time on this horrible bench but it’s not.

He curses himself for thinking he could get away with drinking without permission last night. For forgetting to call. Alcohol makes him stupid apparently. And now he’s getting slivers and bruises from a stupid bench and he hasn’t even been—

A sharp crack and shooting pain cuts off his train of thought.

Billy lets out a soft sigh behind him, like delivering that was satisfying as hell. Fucking sadist.

Steve wishes that didn’t turn him the fuck on.

But being the source of Billy’s happiness? Satisfaction? Bliss? Even if it means he gets his ass handed to him sometimes, well fuck. Steve would lay himself out like this a thousand times for Billy Hargrove. For that sigh. That hum. That bounce in his step. That look in his eyes. There’s something about being of service to someone like this – giving yourself over completely – that Steve gets high off. And damn, does Billy take him high.

Another crack on his ass and Steve winces, sucking in a sharp breath.

“You know puppet…”

_Crack._

“I really thought you were my good boy.”

_Crack._

Steve clenches his fists and reminds himself to breathe.

“Thought you were my obedient little puppy.”

_Crack._

“And I didn’t _want_ to have someone follow you. But I just had to be sure…”

_Crack._

It takes everything Steve has to stay still, to keep apologies from spilling from his lips. To obey in this instant.

“And my guy, Tommy, tells me that you had not only _one_ drink.”

_Crack._

“But _two_.”

_Crack._

Steve lets out a strangled cry.

“And you know I’m an understanding man, Steve. You know the rules. You _could_ have just asked my permission.”

He yanks on Steve’s hair until he cries out.

“But you went behind my back.” He growls murderously in Steve’s ear.

He shoves Steve’s head back down. Takes a few steps back and—

_Crack._

Steve can’t help but yelp.

“You went behind my _back_ because you thought you could get away with disobeying me.”

_Crack._

“And that’s just not how this relationship is supposed to work, now is it?”

_Crack._

“ _Answer me!”_

_Crack._

Steve lets out a broken and drawn out “Nooo, Master.”

_Crack._

_Crack._

“Apparently, I can’t trust you.”

And that gets to Steve more than the beating does. He lets out a sob of guilt.

_Crack._

_Crack._

“I give you my blessing to go see your friends and you lie to me,” _Crack._ “Disrespect me,” _Crack._ “And you can’t even follow through with giving me a fucking phone call.”

_Crack._

“I thought I had your obedience, but apparently not.”

And those words tear Steve right open.

“You do,” Steve sobs. “You do, I’m yours. All yours Master, please.”

_Zap._

Steve tenses again after he receives a nasty shock. Breath caught on another sob.

“Still breaking the rules, even now.” Billy tisks. “Do we have to train you all over again? I don’t know if you’re worth the time at this point.”

Steve’s insides feel raw and bloody as tears stream down his face.

Billy slowly circles the bench, crouches down and cups Steve’s jaw; examining his features with indifference.

“What do you think pet? Are you worth my time?”

Steve gives a shaky nod.

_Zap._

“Your words.” He corrects, his voice dangerously low.

“Yes, Master.” Steve croaks.

Billy shakes his head and rises to his feet. “I’m not so sure... If my threat alone isn’t enough to keep you in line, what am I to do with you? How do I get my point across and keep you accountable for your actions?”

Steve whimpers pathetically and hangs his head.

Billy cocks an eyebrow. “Something you’d like to say to that, little one? Go ahead.”

“I’m yours Master. I’ll never disobey you again, I swear. I’m so sorry. Please believe me.”

“I’ll give you two options since I’m feeling generous today. You can either take 20 more lashes with the belt _or_ I leave you in here until sundown to think about what you’ve done.”

They both know which option Steve will pick.

Maybe a smarter person would pick the option with less pain, but Steve knows being ignored and isolated for hours will hurt much more than a belt ever could.

“The lashes. Please, Master.”

“Mhm,” Billy’s heavy shoes click against the floor as he zeroes in again on his prey. “Then let’s be done with it.”

Billy taps the belt against his own hand.

“Who do you belong to Steve?”

_Crack._

“Ahh, you, Sir.”

“Who owns you?”

_Crack._

“You do, Sir.”

“You’re _mine_ , say it.” Billy growls.

“I’m yours.”

_Crack._

“ _Again.”_

“I’m yours.” Steve cries.

_Crack._

Steve isn’t really sure what time is when they nearly finish. He’s not even sure what his name is. Or if he’s even in his body. He knows he’s crying because his face feels wet. Knows that the wailing noise he registers must be coming from him.

Between the loud cracks of leather meeting flesh, Steve’s cries and shouts can be heard, as well as a strong, steady voice counting. Steve knows it’s a small mercy, but not an unnoticed one. Billy counts so Steve doesn’t have to.

The last crack echoes out and Steve finally settles. Skin and bone melting, going pliant like jelly onto the itchy wood. Then there’s a hand on him. Warm, so warm.

Billy frees him of the collar. Manhandles him out of the uncomfortably stiff position, then gets his hands under Steve’s armpits and lifts him up, easy, like a dumbbell. He picks him up so that Steve’s arms wrap around his neck and his legs wrap around Billy’s waist. Billy holds him at his thighs – not his ass – another small mercy. Steve tucks himself into Billy’s neck and breathes in the scent. Eyes falling closed, draped over Billy like a ragdoll as he gets carried out and away from the mean room.


	3. Chapter 3

When Steve opens his eyes, he’s in Billy’s bed. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the grandeur of the master suite. It’s got a porcelain Jacuzzi overlooking the fucking ocean for god’s sake. He realizes he’s got a fuzzy blanket wrapped around him and he curls into it, assuming Billy left him here so he could nap. Until he hears Billy clear his throat.

Steve looks over his shoulder to find Billy sitting at the edge of the bed, eyeing him. He’s got the tiniest smile tugging at his lips that Steve can’t help but preen under.

“How are you feeling?” Billy reaches out and runs his hand along Steve’s thigh.

“Want you.” Steve mumbles.

“So, pretty much back to normal then?” He teases.

Steve huffs out a laugh and turns over the rest of the way to get a good look.

He reaches for Billy’s hand and laces their fingers together. Brown eyes meeting blue.

“I love you.”

Billy whips his head away so fast it’s as if he’s been slapped.

Steve just holds his hand tighter.

Knows Billy can’t give him that. He can give him a lot, but not that.

“Can you lay with me for a while?” Steve asks after a moment.

Billy visibly swallows as he gathers his composure. “I’ve got a few hours of work left to do…” His eyes roam over Steve, like he’s assessing the damage he took. “You should take a nap. I’ll join you when I’m done.”

Steve nods sleepily. “Okay.”

Billy leans in and presses a soft kiss to Steve’s forehead. Runs his thumb gingerly along his jaw, his cheek. “Sweet dreams princess.”

Steve melts under the touch like a docile cat. And it doesn’t take long for sleep to pull him under.

*

Steve wakes to a strong, warm body pressed against his back. Arms wrapped tight around his waist. Touches gentle, but possessive.

Steve savors it, wiggles back to get closer.

“Sleep well, baby?” Billy purrs.

The heat of the whisper sends a tingle down Steve’s spine. “Yeah,” he breathes.

Billy hums and then he’s turning Steve onto his back, resting half his body weight on him. Billy runs his thumb along Steve’s eyebrow, eyes studying his features intimately.

It’s then that Steve notices the tension written all over Billy’s face and he wants to wipe the frown away. “What’s wrong?”

Billy’s eyebrow quirks in amusement. “Am I that easy to read?”

Steve shrugs, “Maybe not to anyone else, but I know you pretty damn well Billy Hargrove.”

Billy hums, “I’d say so.” And then he’s eyeing the red markings around Steve’s neck; gets this animalistic glint in his eyes. 

“Work?” Steve guesses.

“It’s always work.” And then he’s sucking purple marks onto Steve’s neck. “Or misbehaving subs.”

And even though he hears Billy’s playful tone and feels the smirk on Billy’s face against his neck, it still makes his stomach twist. He can’t think of anything witty to say back. He lets his eyes shift down and away.

“Hey.” Billy cups his face, “You suffered so beautifully for me today. You’re so good for me baby.” And the look of reverence Billy gives him takes his breath away. “The best, really.” He says, barely a whisper.

They share a heated moment, dancing between each other’s eyes and lips. His breath so warm on his lips, so close.

Billy’s lips ghosting along his own until he finally breaks the tension. Crashes their lips together and it lights Steve up from the inside out. It’s so good he fucking _moans_ into it. Craves this more than anything else. Like a circuit completing. He feels whole. Feels home. And the pure weightiness of that realization is enough to make Steve’s head spin.

It’s soft and tender at first. Two things Billy Hargrove seldom is.

Doesn’t take long for Billy to deepen the kiss, his tongue doing things that Steve swears are both holy and sinful. Billy presses himself flush to Steve, putting his full weight on him. And Steve is fucking thankful. Because he may just float away.

And he’d really rather not.

He wants to be here. Be present for this.

And then Billy turns the kiss into something hungry and mean. Like Steve’s mouth needs to _know_ , that it belongs to Billy and only Billy.

Steve’s moans become more desperate. He arcs his back to eat up any space between them. Billy’s hands are in his hair, calloused and clinging. Steve’s hands are scrambling for purchase, trying to get at Billy’s skin and tear off his white button down that’s still annoyingly tucked into his pants.

Billy bites his lip so hard Steve freezes. And Billy pulls back with one of those terrifyingly gorgeous and feral grins.

Steve falters.

And reminds himself to hold on for the ride. Because if there’s one thing everyone knows about Billy Hargrove – it’s that when he gets _that_ look in his eyes, it’s best to get out of his way. For everyone’s sake.

The thing is though, Billy looks fucking sexy - hair let loose, lips flushed, eyes hungry. Steve just wants him with less clothes on. Is that too much to ask?

“You have no idea what you do to me, baby.” Billy growls.

Steve thinks he has an idea.

Billy starts sucking at his skin again, giving him wet kisses all down his chest and stomach. Marking him along the way, covering the fading hickeys and bruises with fresh ones.

Billy never lets them fade completely. He’s always got some mark of ownership on Steve’s skin.

Steve is still – conveniently – naked and Billy takes advantage. Reaches for his dick and starts jacking him off lazy and slow, while he works on marking up his hips.

And as soon as Steve’s cock fills out, Billy’s got his mouth on him.

And it’s just – not fair.

“Please, don’t.” Steve whines.

“Why honey? You don’t like when I touch you there?” Billy’s voice drips saccharine sweet.

Steve whimpers. “You won’t let me come.”

“Oh. No? But are you sure about that baby?” And he sucks him down again, swirling around that deft tongue.

Steve groans.

Wants to give into the pleasure. To say yes. God, _yes_.

But he knows it’s a trick. He knows it. Knows it will get so, _so_ good and then hurt so, _so_ bad when his climax is ripped away from him.

“Only thing I’m sure of is you’re gonna do what you want either way.”

Billy pulls off with a plop. Still jerking him off slow. “Hmm, true. But I still like hearing what my toy thinks.”

He winks and licks up his shaft seductively. And then he laps at his head like a goddamn lollipop.

Steve bucks his hips involuntarily at the sight and Billy pins them down roughly.

“So greedy sweetheart,” breath hot on his cock. “Did you miss Daddy’s attention?”

Steve lets out a strangled noise.

“ _Please,_ Daddy.”

Billy gives his cock another stroke, circles the head of his dick again and licks the slit.

“What is it baby? You want Daddy to stop?” Licks his slit again. “Or keep going?”

Steve’s body jerks and his throat works.

“More.”

“Oh, so now it’s more, is it?”

And then he swallows him right down to the base, dick hitting the back of his throat and he fucking _swallows_.

“Ahhh!” Steve is blindsided with pleasure. One hand bunched in the sheets, one hand on Billy’s shoulder. “Daddy—”

And those electric blue eyes flick up to meet his and Steve is just done for. And Billy must see it. Because he wraps his hand tight around the base of his cock and pulls off. Stopping the orgasm from erupting.

Steve pants and throws his head back.

And suddenly Billy’s hand is gone and being replaced by a tight pressure he has become far too familiar with.

He whips his head up, brows furrowed in desperate agony as he whines.

“Daddy’s not done playing with you baby. And this will help you from breaking a rule, right?”

Steve moans pathetically.

And he gets a hard slap on his inner thigh for it.

“Try that again.”

“’M Sorry. Yes Daddy. Thank you.” He murmurs.

Billy soothes his hand over the red mark blooming on his thigh. “That’s more like it. You wanna be good for Daddy, don’t you kitten?”

“Yes, Daddy.” He utters it like a vow.

“Good boy.” His voice is thick as syrup.

And it makes Steve’s dick twitch.

He is so fucked. 

*****

“You’re so beautiful like this baby.” Billy’s stroking him, teasing his aching red cock. “Love watching you fall apart.”

He ducks down again and licks at his head. Swirls his tongue around. Plays with his balls.

It’s all Steve can do not to buck his hips. His eyes start watering and he wishes his arms were pinned down; it would make it so much easier not to touch.

Because even though his mind knows the rules, his body easily forgets.

He goes to grab his dick and his hand is slapped away.

Billy laughs. “What do you think you’re doing? Did I give you permission to touch what’s mine?”

And fuck Billy’s filthy mind. Fuck his seductive voice. Fuck his warm hand and hot mouth.

Steve squeezes his eyes shut and balls his fists. “Not fair.” He whines.

And then Billy is swallowing him down again, slurping provocatively. Bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘playing dirty’.

“Oh my god, please.” Steve cries. He feels his orgasm building again.

Billy plops off again with a trail of saliva connecting from the tip of his cock to his flushed lips.

“Don’t you dare come.”

As if that command is supposed to make him less turned on.

Steve pants like a dog, waiting for a treat. His hip buck uselessly.

Billy licks his lips as he rakes his eyes over Steve’s sensitive, twitching body. He runs his hand up his thighs and bites his lip like Steve’s a tasty snack he can’t wait to sink his teeth into, as Steve’s bright red cock leaks pathetically on his stomach.

Billy gives his shaft another long swipe of his tongue. “I could play with you _all_ night princess.”

He teases his fingers along Steve’s length, pressure just shy of relief. He strokes lazily and locks eyes with Steve. Dominance written all over his face.

It’s a good look.

Steve swallows. “Please, Daddy… I can’t.”

“Aww, sweetheart.” All mockingly sweet. “I know you can.” He gives a twist of his wrist, making Steve cry out. “And you will.”

Steve pants erratically as a few tears fall down his face.

“This is one of my favourite ways to take you apart. And you want to be a good toy for Daddy, don’t you princess?”

Steve groans. Cresting the peaks and valleys of too much pleasure and not enough.

Billy wraps his hot mouth around him again and Steve lets out a sob.

“I can’t Daddy, I can’t take it. Please. Please.” His head whipping back and forth against either side of the pillow. Body vibrating, feels like he’s gonna shake apart.

But Billy doesn’t falter. He adds to the pressure building by giving his balls a squeeze. Just one.

“Ahh—stoppp.” He stutters. “I’m gonna—”

Billy pulls off him again. Easy smirk playing on his wet lips.

“You’re doing so well baby. Such a good boy for me.”

Steve huffs out another desperate sob. And he feels Billy wipe a tear from his face. “You can hang in there a little bit longer, can’t you baby?”

Steve knows the script too well to say anything other than, “Yes Daddy.”

“Good answer, pretty boy.” Billy smirks.

Then he presses his fingers to Steve’s trembling lips. “Open up.”

Steve is grateful for the distraction as he goes to work sucking on his Daddy’s fingers eagerly. Gives him something to do. Something to focus on, other than his weeping cock and feeling like he’s gonna fly out of his skin.

Billy’s eyes gloss over as he stares, lips parted, while Steve works. And then he’s pulling out with a low grumble, “Good boy.”

Steve shudders. And then Billy’s pushing Steve’s thighs apart and up. So that his knees are bent, feet flat on the bed.

Steve worries at his lip. Sweat on his brow. Any other circumstance and Steve is sure he would be feeling arousal instead of anxiety. Doesn’t wanna be _bad_ and break another rule. Wants to be _good_. Even when the odds are stacked against him.

And then Billy’s swiping his thumb along Steve’s hole, ever so gently.

And despite the circulation being cut off from his cock, it still gives an enthusiastic twitch.

“Daddy— _please!_ ”

Billy ghosts past his hole again, just teasing.

“Please what? You need something to keep your mouth busy, baby?”

Billy reaches into the nightstand drawer and pulls out a gag. It’s the one that makes Steve feel all sorts of small. The one with the pacifier attached to the middle of it.

Billy straps it in place, nice and snug. And Steve sucks at the pink, plastic soother.

It’s not enough. And Billy knows that. Still, he nibbles and suckles on it anyways.

“There you go princess.”

And it makes Steve all dizzy and light-headed as he sinks deeper into subspace. Orgasm just waiting to rip through his body and tear him apart.

He takes Steve’s cock in his hand again, gives it a few skilled strokes and presses a wet finger against Steve’s hole.

He barely breeches the tight ring of muscle and Steve’s crying out as his spunk paints Billy’s hand white.

The orgasm hits so strong that Steve’s body convulses. And he sees stars. Can’t even think straight enough to apologize.

And Billy keeps stroking. And stroking. So Steve reaches down – half out of his mind – to stop him.

Billy pins his arm down roughly. “ _No_. If you wanted to come so bad, why don’t we see if we can milk another one from you, huh? Since you’re so greedy for it.”

And then he’s squeezing Steve’s balls. And he yelps around the plastic in his mouth.

“Besides, you’ve already made a mess of Daddy’s hand. So don’t hold back on my account.” He says bitterly.

Body twitching violently as Billy roughly jerks his oversensitive cock. The look in his eyes has turned cruel and mean. Steve tries to cry out in pain.

“Aw, is this too much for you baby? Does it _hurt?_ ”

Steve isn’t proud of it but it’s so painful he tries to knock Billy away with his knees.

Billy just climbs on top of him, straddles him, resting his full weight on Steve’s thighs. One hand pinning down his wrists and the other mercilessly jerking off his spent cock.

Steve begs and pleads for mercy around his soother. More tears running away from him.

“I thought this is what you wanted, baby. Hm? You wanted to come that bad. You must have some more in you, huh?”

He slows down his fist so he can get at his balls again and toys with them meanly. Steve’s feet kick as he’s overwhelmed with _too much._ _too much. too much._

“Hurts!” he tries to plead. It comes out muffled and dumb.

Billy just laughs carelessly. “If you want Daddy to stop, all you have to do is say so. Use your big boy words and I’ll stop right now baby.” He tilts his ear up slightly, like he’s sincerely trying to listen for any words of protest, but of course all Steve can do is gargle unintelligibly. Billy shrugs after a few very long and very condescending seconds. Dips down and swallows him down again. Steve tries to jerk his hips away but Billy’s too strong. Tries to beg, but the words won’t come out right. He sobs as much as the gag will let him. Drool dripping down his chin, joining the pool of tears on his pillow.

And Billy swallows around him, milking his balls in one hand, _squeezing_. Some more come dribbles out of his tip and Billy drinks it up, all hums of satisfaction.

“Come on baby, I know you’ve got more than that. Don’t you?”

Steve just shakes his head like a mad man, clenches his fists and toes. A constant stream of mumbles vibrating from his throat. Body strung taut. Sounds of agony ripping from his throat with nowhere to go.

And Billy’s getting back to work on his cock, sucking and sucking. Saturating himself in the tortured sounds Steve makes. The way his body is trying to pull away. The way all his muscles are tense and overwhelmed. Vibrating with discomfort.

Billy slurps at his cock some more, moaning pleasantly like a starved man. And Billy eases a finger into his hole, no warning. All the way down to the knuckle. It stings in that overwhelmingly delicious way. And Steve can’t take it. He can’t. He just can’t.

It’s not until Billy starts pumping in and out, his finger crooking at just the right spot that Steve’s vision whites out. Pleasure peaking and being drawn out as it carries him along the wave of tingly numbness and oversensitivity that has overcome his most sensitive parts. Sending sparks of hot ecstasy from the tip of his head to his toes.

And that’s all he remembers before his world fades to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost felt bad for Steve while I was editing this chapter today, almost. 😈


	4. Chapter 4

Steve is gradually coaxed back into consciousness by a dull pressure low in his body. Feels like he’s being fucked. Feels good. He slowly starts to stir, the hazy weight of sleep still numbing his senses. A part of him registers that he _is_ being fucked. Slow and deep.

When he manages to open his eyes for a blink, he finds Billy crowded against him. Propped up on his elbows as he eases in and out of Steve. Pendant dangling and sparkling between them after being jostled out of his white dress shirt. Billy’s still fully clothed. Just has his pants down enough to whip his dick out. Steve feels the material scratching against his skin. Feels like all the brain cells have been fucked out of him long before Billy actually fucked him.

Billy’s eyebrows are drawn tight, like he’s close. And just wanted a warm place to unload. Steve is always that warm place. Sometimes when he passes out early, Billy will come on his face. Or on his ass. And occasionally, he’ll fuck him while he’s blacked out.

“Daddy?” He slurs. His eyes finally flutter open long enough to lock lazy eyes with Billy. And once he sees that Steve’s awake he dips down to give him a sloppy kiss. Hips stuttering as he slides home.

“You take my cock so well when you’re unconscious baby, _fuck_.” He growls into Steve’s parted lips.

His blue eyes are smothering and intense. And Steve can only just lie there and take what Billy gives him. He starts fucking him faster and a little deeper now that he’s already woken Steve. His grunts getting louder as skin slaps against skin. Movements uncoordinated and primal as he chases his orgasm. He grunts and latches onto Steve’s limp neck with his teeth. Chomping down there and pummeling into him. His last couple thrusts brutal as he buries himself to the hilt and paints Steve’s inside with his spunk. Steve is faintly aware of the drool slick and sliding down his neck as Billy unlatches his greedy teeth. With a flattened tongue, Billy licks a long stripe up Steve’s neck, no doubt to clean up his mess. Steve wonders idly if there’s blood.

Billy hums fondly and presses a kiss to the inside of Steve’s neck. His jaw. The corner of his mouth. Pulls out of Steve carefully as a bead of sweat rolls down his temple. Tucks himself back in his pants, belt undone. Hasn’t taken his eyes off Steve.

Steve blinks slowly. Grounding himself a little through those sapphire eyes. And the way those hot hands pet his hair and brush over his swollen lips. Only now realizing that Billy took the gag off him. Billy rakes his eyes down Steve’s body; assessing. The corner of his mouth twitches up before he moves down to release Steve of the cock ring. No doubt looking all kinds of smug from the loud groan that rips out of Steve before his spent cock unloads a fuck ton of come into his waiting mouth. Billy sucks the tip of his dick clean and gives a satisfied hum. “So good for me, baby.”

He whispers sweet nothings into Steve’s skin as he worships his body with indulgent kisses along muscle and bone. “Such a good boy,” He coos.

Steve smiles softly. Feels frothy. Feels drunk. Feels—

“Daddy?” He echoes.

“Heya sweetheart. How you feeling?”

“I—” Steve trails off.

Then Billy’s reaching for something. Juice. With a straw. And he brings it to Steve’s lips.

“Go on, honey. Drink up.”

Steve drinks. And blinks. Staring at Billy.

Billy looks at him proudly. But there’s something else there. Adoration? Appreciation?

“You did so well baby. _So_ well. _So fucking well_. I’m so proud of you. You’re a fucking work of art.”

Steve returns the smile dopily, but that’s all he can seem to do.

He distantly realizes he must be in sub space. “How long…?”

“You were passed out for a few minutes. Five tops.” He tucks a piece of damp, sweaty hair behind Steve’s ear. “Take your time, baby.”

And he’s so soft when he says it. His voice is gravelly and hoarse, but the words seem meaningful.

Has Billy ever been this soft?

Steve stares dreamily. Absolutely fucked out of his mind, he blurts something monumentally stupid for the second time today. “Love you.”

He watches something painful flit across Billy’s face, and sees a wall of defense go up behind his eyes.

“Sorry.” Steve murmurs.

“I—” Billy’s jaw sets as he looks away.

“It’s okay.” Steve says, and he lifts his cotton candy arm to comfort. He doesn’t know where it lands but it’s somewhere warm. On Billy, he supposes.

Billy still won’t look at him. “It’s—not you. Steve.”

“I know.” Steve murmurs. “I know.”

Billy turns back to him, looks like a boy who is about to ask his crush to the prom. Nervous, careful, ready for rejection. “Can I… Can I kiss you?” Asks it like he doesn’t deserve it.

Steve’s heart flutters in his chest; not used to seeing Billy so vulnerable. It reminds him of their first date. As confident as Billy was, even Steve could tell he was trying to say the right things and work for Steve’s approval. Always checking in and asking Steve’s permission before they did anything new. First kiss, first blowjob, first time he made Steve piss himself, or made him beg for cock like a stray dog - forced to chase his orgasm through the denim on Billy’s shin.

He nods earnestly.

And Billy’s heat is just – there. On him. Over him. He kisses his lips softly. Like he’s trying to etch words into Steve’s skin that he can’t say out loud.

And they lay there like that for a while. Kissing softly as Steve swims in this dreamy headspace. Where time doesn’t exist. And Billy lets him have this. Just as Steve let him have him.

Soon, the room gets dark enough that they can barely see each other. And Steve feels like he’s coming down from the high.

And somehow Billy just knows. He always just knows. Reads Steve better than Steve can read himself most days.

“How’s Chinese sound?” Billy offers.

“Perfect.”

*

They sit cozy on the couch with their takeout food. Steve tucked warmly on Billy’s lap. Billy let him throw on one of his softest shirts and – thankfully – a pair of boxer briefs, since Steve’s ass is sore as hell. Billy changed into sweats himself – Prada – but sweats, nonetheless.

He lets Steve pick the movie and he chooses a light-hearted, feel-good Pixar film. Feels like he needs it, after the rollercoaster of a day.

They’re about halfway through the film when Billy whispers, “Are you aware that you’re ridiculously cute when you eat?”

Steve blushes. “I am not.”

Billy grins. “You totally are.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “You say that about everything I do.”

“Yeah. Cause you’re _always_ cute. It’s like,” he swallows down a mouthful of food, “your default setting.”

Steve chuckles. “So, I guess brooding is yours?”

And he gets a tickle against his side for it.

“Hey! You’re gonna make me spill.”

“And what do I care? I can just have you lick it up off the floor.”

Steve feels a deep flush creep all the way down his chest, heating his skin from the inside out. He pouts and glances away sheepishly.

“Hey, C’mere.” Billy guides his face back to him under his palm and presses a sweet kiss to his lips. Licking the salt there as he pulls away. Bedroom eyes glowing in the dim light. “My pretty, blushing baby.”

And that’s just not fair. Gets Steve squirming. “You’re lucky you’re so damn charming.” Steve admits softly.

Billy’s eyes drift down to his lips. “I am pretty lucky.”

Steve simpers and something dramatic happens on the TV screen. Steve whips his head around and jabs lightly at Billy’s chest. “This is the best part!”

Billy rolls his eyes. “How many times have you seen this now?”

“Shh!” He says as he rests his palm flat on Billy’s chest. A submissive gesture to balance out his words.

Thankfully, Billy just chuckles and turns his attention back to the movie.

Steve knows he’s usually got a 50/50 chance of getting scolded or punished for the things he says. Sometimes, he’s allowed to whine and complain and protest, but only if they’re in DD/lb roleplay. If Billy decides they’re doing a heavier scene like Master/pet, Steve can’t get away with _anything_. And Steve never knows when Billy’s gonna flip the switch. Sometimes Steve sasses and could swear on his life that he’ll get punished for it, but Billy just takes it as playful banter. And other times, Steve says something harmless that he would say to anyone, and Billy beats him for it until he cries. Steve has learned to pick up on Billy’s moods better, but there is no guidebook. And he supposes that’s exactly how Billy likes it. To have complete control and keep Steve on his toes. He makes the rules, he sets the tone, and he can change that in the blink of an eye. Steve’s gotten really good at preparing for anything. And simply surrendering to the creative whims and unpredictable fire that is Billy Hargrove. And honestly? Steve wouldn’t have him any other way.

*****

“Can we make hot cocoa?”

Billy startles. Clutches at Steve under his palms.

“Shit. Sorry. I didn’t realize you fell asleep.” Steve smiles warmly.

Billy blinks slowly and yawns. “Hot cocoa? After Chinese?” He teases.

Steve just nods eagerly. Eyes all wide and childlike. “Please?”

Billy gives a playful groan and tightens his grip on him, keeping him fastened to his hips while he stands. Steve clings onto him like a koala bear as Billy walks them to the kitchen.

He has a giggle fit in his arms as Billy digs around in the fridge and cupboards, tinkering with the kettle.

Billy turns on the surround sound and classical music rings out softly around them.

While they wait for the kettle, Billy maneuvers them so he’s got one hand holding Steve up by his ass and one extended out, gripping Steve’s palm, like they’re waltzing.

Steve squeezes his thighs tighter around Billy’s waist and laughs as they spin. Billy’s pretty good. Really good, actually.

“Why have you never taken me to a ball?”

Billy’s eyes sparkle. “Aside from the fact that sex dungeons are more my thing?”

Steve huffs out a laugh. “You’re a man of many interests. I bet you’ve been to a gala before.”

Billy considers a moment, “I have. But that was before I met my prince.”

He swings them around again and dips. The quick motion making Steve’s breath catch. And as he’s arched like that, Billy presses a soft and deliberate kiss to his throat.

“I’m here now.” Steve breathes.

And Billy lifts them back up, still swaying skillfully to the music.

He hums and presses their foreheads together. “Would you dress up all pretty for me?”

The close proximity makes Steve’s head swim. He nods.

Billy leans in for a kiss, squeezes his ass and Steve hisses into his mouth. Billy smiles, delighted.

“Tell you what, you be a good boy, and Daddy will take you to the next gala.”

Steve bites his lower lip. “Promise?”

Billy tracks the movement. “Yeah, baby. Promise.”

And then the kettle clicks.

Billy smirks and presses a chaste kiss to his cheek. “Your hot cocoa awaits, my dear.”

Steve has never been more in love.


	5. Chapter 5

Billy’s up at 6:00 like he is every morning.

When they first started seeing each other, Steve would complain about it.

“But, it’s _Sunday_. The day of rest. Ever heard of taking it easy? Have you ever been lazy in your life? Slothing is where it’s at. You should try it sometime.”

And Billy would always say the same thing.

“I didn’t get where I am today by slacking off, Steve. Sunday’s are no exception.”

“Yeah but one hour isn’t going to kill you. Come back to bed.”

That got him a good scolding and a slap to the face.

He learned not to argue after that.

Steve eventually learned that Billy would begin his mornings with a 2-hour workout, some cardio and a 20-minute meditation.

The meditation came as a shock to him. And Billy went on and on about how all the successful elite have some sort of daily meditation practice. “It’s about discipline,” he’d say. And hey, Steve wasn’t complaining. Billy’s got a short fuse most days, he’d hate to see what he’d be like without those 20 minutes of Zen. How bruised his ass would be… he shudders.

This Sunday, Billy lets him sleep in until 9:00. They have breakfast out on the terrace. Billy cooks. Steve picks the music. They eat and drink comfortably; enjoying the fresh air, the birds chirping and the radio.

Death Cab for Cutie plays through the speakers. They’re one of Steve’s favourite bands. He’s always liked indie rock. Billy doesn’t seem to mind it. He hums along and taps his foot absentmindedly.

“You ever seen them live?” Billy asks.

Steve hums as he chews. “Yeah, back when I was 19. They were incredible. I think they’re actually touring here soon.”

Billy hums. “We’ll have to check them out.”

Steve’s smile reaches his eyes. “Speaking of bands, Jonathon’s is playing at The Dard tonight. I thought maybe we could go. Spend the day at the market, and the boardwalk too, if you don’t have to work today.”

Billy swallows his food and casually wipes his lips on his napkin. “It’s a nice thought. Too bad we can’t go… or rather, you can’t.”

Steve’s eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. “What? Why?”

Billy shoots him a look like he’s missing something obvious. “You’re grounded. For a week.”

“But I thought I already took my punishment?” He complains.

“That was part of it, yes. But not all of it. Trust me, this is me going easy on you. Or do I need to remind you about the rules you broke?”

Steve pouts and stares miserably at his toast.

“Something you wanna say?”

“No,” he grumbles.

Billy straightens his shoulders. “Are you seriously giving me attitude right now?” He calmly sets down his fork.

“No,” he snipes. “I’m not.”

Billy makes a show of removing the napkin from his lap. “Mhm, you’re lucky I took that shock collar off you.”

“Guess so.”

Steve only has a half second to curse himself for being a _dumbass_ before his air supply is cut off by a firm hand gripped tightly around his throat.

And annoyance is swiftly replaced by arousal and fear as he struggles to breathe.

“What was that you were saying, pretty boy? Wanna rethink that one and try again?”

He releases the grip just enough to let Steve speak.

“’M sorry.” He gasps, his pulse thrumming violently under Billy’s palm.

“Yeah. Been hearing you say that a lot lately.” He comments bitterly. Eyeing him intensely like he’s deciding whether or not to let this go.

Eventually he relents and releases his hand. Steve sputters and coughs as his lungs adjust to taking in oxygen again.

Billy turns back to his food casually, stuffing more scrambled eggs in his mouth.

“You’re wearing the cock cage for three days starting tomorrow as well.” He says to his plate.

“Yes Sir.” Steve sighs miserably.

Once he’s sure Billy isn’t going to throttle him again, he asks, “Can I still have friends over?”

Billy quirks an eyebrow. “Do you know what grounded means?”

“I know, but technically I wouldn’t be going _out_ , right? I was gonna have Robin come over this week to help with—"

“Then you can FaceTime.”

“But—”

“That’s enough Steve. You don’t make the rules. Maybe next time you’ll think twice before you break them.”

Steve full on pouts and hangs his head. And he’s not proud of it but he’s not particularly sorry for it either. He may not be able to talk back but he can mope. You bet your ass.

He tries to find a respectful way to ask his next question.

He settles on a quiet, “Is that the whole punishment?”

Billy looks at him tenderly, “Yeah baby. That’s the whole punishment. Now go on, finish your food before it gets cold.”

*****

They spend the rest of the morning lounging on the beach behind the loft. It’s nice to see Billy actually taking it easy and relaxing. No laptop, no phone or Bluetooth in his ear. Steve can’t stop staring at him. He’s always hot as hell but it’s always a treat to see how he wears a pair of swim trunks and nothing else. He stares at his golden chiseled abs, his thighs, his biceps. He looks like a Greek god or something.

“How are you even real?” Steve wonders aloud.

Billy rolls his head sideways to look at him, amusement playing on his features. “What do you mean?”

“You’re like, perfect. In every way.” Steve pushes himself up on his elbows.

Billy chuckles up to the sky, before rolling his head back over. “A lot of other people would disagree with that.”

Steve shrugs. “They’re all idiots.”

Billy’s eyebrow quirks up as he gives Steve the signature _Dom look_.

“I know, I know. _Language_. But am I wrong?”

The corner of Billy’s mouth turns up in a smile, while his eyes maintain the dangerous glint. “I guess I only really care what my boy thinks of me. ‘Cause baby,” he holds Steve’s eye contact for a beat to let him know he’s serious, “I think you’re perfect too.”

And that—that throws Steve. Billy’s not usually so open about his feelings towards Steve unless unless he’s taking care of Steve after a scene.

Billy must notice, cause his smile becomes softer around the edges. “C’mere.” He opens his arms.

Steve crawls over to him and plasters himself against Billy’s side. Head resting on his warm chest as Billy puts his hands in his hair.

“I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not Steve, but you’re important to me.”

Steve settles at that. Releasing tension he didn’t know he was holding as he clutches at Billy’s bare skin.

“I—I know, kind of. I just—it’s nice to hear sometimes. Outside of like – aftercare and stuff.”

Billy continues to silently run his fingers through Steve’s hair.

“Billy?”

His hands still as he waits.

“About the other night… you know I am sorry right?”

“I know Steve. It’s okay, I forgive you.” His voice genuine and firm but laced with confusion.

“I know, I just—I just hate disappointing you.”

And he hates that his voice wavers a little at the end. Doesn’t think he could have stopped it if he tried.

And then Billy’s wrapping him up in strong arms and Steve can’t stop the tears now. Tucked in the safety and warmth of his embrace, Billy holds him, steady and firm while he cries. He rocks him gently and kisses the top of Steve’s head.

“I actually do want to talk to you about what happened Steve. I’m not mad. You know how this goes, you take your punishment and we get a clean slate. I just think we should have a conversation about anything that isn’t working for us. Revisit our rules, limits, punishments. I want you to tell me if there’s anything you want to change or aren’t comfortable with. I want to be sure that you’re happy with the arrangement we currently have. I don’t want you to feel like you have to sneak around if you don’t like certain rules. Because it did sting a little that I never would have known you’d drank at the bar if I hadn’t caught you.”

“No,” Steve clutches at his biceps and shakes his head on his chest, salty tears soaking into Billy’s skin. “I don’t want to change anything. It was my fault. I probably would have told you anyways.”

“It’s okay baby. Like I said I’m not upset. I just don’t want you to feel like you need to hide things if certain rules aren’t working for you. I’d rather you be honest than anything else.”

Steve sniffles and wipes his nose on the back of his arm before looking up at Billy. “I do like all our rules Daddy. I was just having a bad day at work and got in my own head too much. Didn’t wanna bother you and I just wanted to take the edge off to unwind. Didn’t want you disappointed in me… but we both know how that worked out.”

Billy cupped Steve’s face while he spoke, soothing his calloused thumb over Steve’s cheekbone. And under his eyes, wiping away rogue tears. “Steve, honey. Darling. I am _never_ disappointed in you. Good or bad, you keep me sane. You’re my favourite person to talk to. And to come home to. Regardless of your behaviour.” Steve glances away all sheepish. “And secondly, I need you to know that I care about you. You’re not just a plaything to me Steve. And if you don’t know that by now, that’s my fault. I want to hear when you have bad days and feel shitty. If you’re not in the right head space I need to trust that you’ll tell me. ‘Cause that’s violating my consent too; if I make you feel worse when you’re already feeling down, that will make me feel like shit Steve. Playing is supposed to be fun and thrilling. It isn’t meant to be an obligation or feel like work. You just gotta talk to me. Next time that happens and you’re with other people, just text me your safe word so I know to give you space. Or better yet, if you’re having a bad day _call me._ ” He raises his eyebrows for emphasis, “I know I can be an emotionally unavailable asshole most of the time, but I’m trying. For you. I want to try Steve.” He presses a closed mouth kiss to his cheek. “I wanna take care of you,” a kiss to his other cheek. “Let me.” And presses a final kiss to his forehead.

And now Steve is tearing up for a whole other reason. “Thank you. For saying all that. I think I really needed to hear it. And I will do that next time, I promise.”

Billy offers a light smile. “You feel better?”

“Yeah.” And he nuzzles into Billy’s neck.

Billy chuckles again. And goes back to petting his hair.

“Good. I don’t want you to ever underestimate your worth to me.”

Steve smiles against his skin.

Billy pats his butt lightly, “Now relax and enjoy the sunshine before I send us back inside to do some work.”

Steve hides his face deeper in Billy’s neck, under a blanket of curls. “Yes Sir.”

*

As morning melds into afternoon, Billy has them go back inside. He works on his laptop on the couch while Steve is sprawled out on the floor with his binders, notebooks and sticky pads. He’s on the last stages of completing his first ever cookbook. He just needs to pick a design, the cover and decide which photos he wants from the ones he paid Jonathon to take.

It’s all very domestic sharing time like this and Steve feels kinda giddy from it as he kicks his legs in the air. Imagining if this is what it would feel like all the time, if they lived together. If they had a nice house in the suburbs, matching wedding bands and their sappiest couple photo mantled above the fireplace. He keeps zoning out and has to keep bringing his attention back to the book in his hands.

“You okay over there?”

Steve startles. “Huh?”

“You’ve been staring at the same page for the last 10 minutes.”

The bastard never misses a thing. Probably why he’s such a good Dominant. Why he’s so good at everything, probably.

Steve rolls onto his back and sighs dramatically. “Would you believe me if I said you’re too distracting?”

The corner of Billy’s lip quirks upwards, “Sounds like a you problem to me, sweetheart.”

Steve shoots him a bratty glare.

Billy lets his small smile grow into a shit eating grin. “Hey, if I can focus on reviewing settlement negotiations, work on legal submissions _and_ check in with my stockbroker all while your ass is on full display, well, it only strengthens my character. I mean, if I can do that, I’m pretty sure I can accomplish anything.”

Steve rolls his eyes and crawls over to him, “I guess I’m the weaker man, then.” He rests his chin on Billy’s knee and glances at his crotch. “And I think I can live with that.” He bites his lips and glances back up at Billy from under his lashes.

“Something you wanna ask for, pretty boy?” Billy shuffles his lap a bit. Almost a squirm, but too dignified.

Steve smiles sweetly, giving his most coy look before whispering, “Can I suck your cock Daddy?”

Six months ago that question would have made him horribly red and would have taken a lot more effort, but all these months with Billy Hargrove has definitely corrupted him. And he’s rather okay with that.

Plus, it's worth it when Billy’s breath hitches and he visibly starts to fill out under his swim trunks.

“What’s the magic word baby?”

“Please?”

Billy raises his eyebrows and tilts his head a little.

“Please Daddy?”

And then Billy’s tugging down his trunks, just enough for his cock to bounce free. Billy gives himself a couple lazy strokes. And Steve’s mouth waters. But he doesn’t move. Hasn’t been given permission yet.

“Have you ever seen a grown man’s cock before baby?”

Steve gets hit with a wave of dizzying humiliation, feeling all sorts of small. Knowing the game they’re about to play. Steve swallows and tears his eyes away from Billy’s cock to shake his head and stare up at Billy all wide-eyed and innocent.

“Of course you haven’t sweetheart. That’s okay. Daddy’s gonna show you what to do.”

Billy’s pupils are blown so wide that Steve could get lost in them and never find his way out.

He uses his other hand to grab Steve’s. “You wanna touch it baby?”

Steve nods eagerly. “Please Daddy?”

Billy leads Steve’s hand under his own and wraps it around the base of his cock, still guiding Steve’s hand as he strokes. “Yeah, baby. Just like that.”

He leans back into the cushions, the epitome of indulgent as he watches Steve stare greedily at his cock. “That’s it baby, yeah. How’s it feel?”

“Big, Daddy.”

Billy’s hips buck a little and he gets Steve to pick up the pace. “Mmm, you make Daddy feel so good baby. You wanna taste it?”

Steve is achingly hard now himself. And wants nothing more.

“Can I?”

Billy releases his hand and leans back further so his arms are stretched out on either side of the couch. An open invitation if Steve’s ever seen one.

He licks his lips and grabs the base, flashes Billy some shy eyes before wrapping his lips around the tip of his cock and sucks. Like he’s trying a new flavored lollipop for the first time.

“Fuck baby, yeah. Just like that. Come on.”

Apparently, that’s all the encouragement Steve needs. He takes him further into his mouth and sucks, licking up the underside of his cock like it’s the best thing he’s tasted in _weeks_. He can’t help but moan around it.

Billy’s got his hands in Steve’s hair instantly. Tugging a little as encouragement.

“Mmm, yeah you like Daddy’s cock in your mouth baby boy?”

Steve hums enthusiastically in response, the vibration adding to the pleasure of it all he’s sure.

“Yeah,” Billy starts bucking his hips now, fucking his mouth a little. “Bet you love it, huh? Wanna be a good little slut for Daddy, don’t you?”

Steve gags a little as it hits the back of his throat and that only seems to encourage Billy further.

He grips the back of his head firmly and starts working up a rhythm, fucking the back of his throat as tears well up in Steve’s eyes.

“Such a good boy. Being Daddy’s toy like this.” He grits out as he fucks harder.

Steve gets a firm grip on Billy’s hairy thighs and holds on for the ride. Obscene noises erupting from Steve’s throat as he chokes and gags on his cock.

Billy pulls out abruptly and Steve tries to catch his breath. “You’re too big Daddy. It—it hurts.”

Billy yanks his hair back. “Aw don’t worry your pretty little head about that. You wanna make Daddy happy right? I know you can take it.”

Steve cries and shakes his head desperately.

Billy sneers as he wipes away a tear, “I know you can do it baby. Open up.” He taps his cheek condescendingly and pulls down his jaw.

Steve makes a strangled noise before Billy pushes all the way in again, cradling the back of Steve’s head as his cock sits against his throat. He holds him there like that for a few seconds, before pulling back _just_ enough that Steve can get air again.

“Your mouth is fucking _heaven_ , baby.”

He starts thrusting again, fucking into his face mercilessly.

“Can’t get enough of this, sweetheart. So good for Daddy, huh? Daddy’s favourite toy.” The last words are punctuated with each thrust of his hips. His pubic hairs grinding into Steve’s face. Tickling his nose.

He pulls Steve off him again like a ragdoll. He’s covered in tears, saliva and snot.

“What do you say to Daddy, kitten?”

“Thank you.” And his voice is absolutely _wrecked_. Gravelly and hoarse in a way that Billy’s usually is. It makes his cock twitch.

Billy slaps him across the face. “Thank you, _what?”_

“Thank you Daddy.” Steve’s lips tremble, saliva dripping from them obscenely. Eyes lidded and cheeks flushed, looking all sorts of fucked out.

“Yeah.” Billy breathes before he forces Steve back on his cock.

He rocks his hips slow. “You’re the prettiest thing Daddy’s ever seen. You know that?” He thrusts deep then. Slow and deep, like he’s savoring it. “ _Especially_ when you’re crying on my cock.

“Maybe Daddy should make you wear mascara next time.” Billy picks up the pace and now it’s _his_ voice that’s wrecked. He grits out the next words through his teeth, “Let Daddy see that pretty face stained with tears. Make you walk around in public like that.” He shoves in deep and grinds his hips there. “So _everyone_ knows that you’re a little cock slut who loves to fall apart on your Daddy’s massive cock.”

And Steve can’t breathe. His vision is blurring around the edges. And Billy just stays there, grinding down into his throat. Little thrusts hungry as his dick eats up even more space down Steve’s esophagus.

Steve’s brown eyes flick up desperately just in time to watch Billy fall apart. He’s beautiful. Dark lashes fluttering shut, crease in his brow, mouth gaping. And Steve’s going to fucking pass out. The vision around his eyes start to darken as his body takes the come shooting down his throat. He’s gotta admit, it’s not a bad sight to pass out to.

Billy indulges himself for a second or two longer before he finally eases up and pulls out, right before Steve thinks he’ll faint. But honestly? There are much worse ways to lose consciousness. So he’s not too upset about it.

He gasps for air and coughs and coughs. Feeling the rush of oxygen fly to his brain. He gets his hand on his cock immediately. Because he’s insanely fucking hard. And if he could come completely untouched, he would have 10x over already, he’s so fucking turned on it’s _painful_.

He doesn’t realize his eyes are shut until he hears Billy speak again. “What do you think you’re doing?”

His eyes fly open and he sees an amused and blissed out asshole sitting above him. He stops jerking off instantly, and then he crumbles. Absolutely devastated.

He sobs into Billy’s lap. Completely falls apart.

“Oh sweetheart, c’mere.”

Steve sniffles and lets Billy lift him up under his armpits, guides him on shaky legs to bring him flush to his body. He straddles Billy’s lap and hugs the source of his torment.

Billy strokes the hair on his head gently. “Aw, it’s okay little one. It’s okay. Let it out.”

Steve cries a little more and sniffles into Billy’s shirt pathetically.

Soft touches gradually slow Steve's heart rate back to normal. And his fingers finally stop wanting to reach for his cock.

“So good for me.” Billy murmurs. “Such a good boy, yeah? You make Daddy so happy.”

Steve feels better with each praise whispered into his skin, with each caress and gentle kiss. He comes back to himself. Back to the room.

He wraps his arms around Billy’s neck and presses their cheeks together tenderly. Billy moves his face so that he can look into his eyes with a silent question. He’s checking in.

Steve responds with a warm, shy smile. Which Billy returns.

“My good boy.” And he presses a chaste kiss to his lips.

And Steve gets all smitten and bashful at the focused attention and buries his face in Billy’s neck. His favourite place to be, he’s decided.

“Yours.”

Billy gives a satisfied hum and continues to run his fingers up and down his back. Squeezing gently at the nape of his neck.

“Mine.”

And Steve doesn’t know which part is his favourite.

Being torn apart or being put back together.

There’s ecstasy in both. Healing, even.

But he supposes it doesn’t really matter either way.

As long as he’s with Billy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi lovely people! i originally intended to end the story here, keep it short and sweet. but i have ideas and a rough story line to develop more plot & obv i have some ideas for more juicy scenes. drop a comment if you want me to keep it going? i've been neglecting my other harringrove wip to focus on this one cause it's been fun to write this heavier dynamic. but i'll continue the story if anyone is interested


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long. I felt like this story needed some plot if I wanted to keep it going and that always takes me forever to edit 😅

A week has gone by since Steve’s dumbass behaviour.

The phantom weight of the cock cage still makes him quiver from time to time. He’d spent the last three days a squirming, whining mess. Catching sights of dark purple bruises on his ass in the bathroom mirror didn’t help, but even they have faded into dull smudges of yellow. That part is always bittersweet. He likes wearing Billy’s marks on his skin. Wishes he was collared by him in a more permanent way. They haven’t had _that_ talk yet, even though Steve has wanted to. He’s teetered around the edge of the topic once or twice when they’ve seen other couples like them. Some marked by a lock necklace or choker. Others, more discreet with matching rings or earrings. But Billy would always change the subject or feign disinterest. Which is just - _so_ not Billy. That man lives to own things. Loves owning Steve. Why wouldn’t he want to let everyone know? At least in their own secret way. He shakes those thoughts away and lets his mind wander to something safer.

He’s allowed to see friends again starting tomorrow. Which, thank fuck. He’s been going a little stir crazy with only work and his lack of orgasms to focus on. He’s so pent up he’s practically vibrating out of his skin. Seriously, like, a customer told him off the other day at his bakery, got all up in his face, yelling, cursing and shit… And it fucking turned him on. Had him feeling all small and servile.

The dick bondage didn’t help. The only thing that kept him grounded was the fact that the customer also started yelling about his kids. Dustin and El. He gained his composure and told the prick to get out of his shop. And that he wasn’t welcome back. He doesn’t tolerate that shit. No matter what nasty Yelp review they might leave.

He and Billy haven’t seen much of each other throughout the week. And Steve doesn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse. If Billy was around this week it might have been a nice distraction and some much-needed social time. On the other hand, he knows Billy wouldn’t have stopped playing with him just because Steve wasn’t allowed to come. So it would have been very torturous. Whatever. Doesn’t matter now. Steve is basically in the clear. It’s Friday night and he’s almost free.

He made sure to follow every rule to a T. He calls Billy every night, goes to bed on time. Hasn’t touched himself. Hasn’t seen his friends. Feels proud of himself for being so obedient. So good.

He pulls up the dirt driveway to his small home, nestled semi-privately behind some oak trees. It’s his little oasis. Even if his home is smaller than Billy’s temporary loft on the beach.

He sets his keys on the counter, lost in thought as he contemplates what to make himself for dinner when–

“Steve! Finally, you’re home. I’ve been waiting here forever.” She has the audacity to look annoyed as she munches on the chips she must have found in his cupboard.

Steve can’t help the way his eyes widen in panic and how his heart jumps into his throat. No, no, no, no, no. He runs his fingers through his hair like a mad man. “What are you doing here?! I can’t see you tonight Robin.” With his luck Billy would get off work early and catch him red handed. No justifications or explanations could save his poor ass then.

“Come on dingus, please?! I haven’t seen you in forever. And I really need someone to be a gay disaster with.”

“I can’t Robin. I promised Billy I’d see him tonight.”

“But you see him _all_ the time Steve. You practically live at his place.”

And now he definitely feels bad. He had to blow her and Jonathon off last weekend and he hasn’t seen her in almost 2 weeks. He purses his lips.

“Okay, yeah.” He runs another anxious hand through his hair. “Just… wait here while I call him. I’m not promising anything, alright? Just… wait here.”

She looks unimpressed at that as she stuffs more chips into her mouth.

Steve steps away and chews his lip nervously as he dials.

Billy picks up on the third ring and Steve can hear the sound of paper shuffling, followed by the friction of the phone being propped up on his shoulder. “Hey, how’s my boy doing?”

Steve swallows and tries not to preen under the pet name. “Hey, um. I’m alright.” God he sounds nervous. He rubs his sweaty palms down the front of his jeans. Pull it together Steve.

“You sure?” He can practically see the unconvinced quirk in Billy’s eyebrow.

The shuffling on the other end slows to a stop as he waits for Steve’s answer.

He takes a deep breath. “Yeah um, so… don’t be mad, okay? But…”

“What is it?” Billy sounds so done already. Like a judge who just _knows_ the defendant is guilty and is two seconds away from prosecuting them.

“Robin is here. At my house. I didn’t invite her over, I swear. And I asked her to leave but, she really misses me and needs to talk about something and I didn’t know what to do, so I said I’d call you.” Steve winces, setting himself up for a blow.

A couple beats pass and then, “Don’t get used to this. Because you know I keep my word and believe in following through on punishments,” He pauses for emphasis. “But I’ll let you see her tonight. Your grounding can be lifted a day early but I want to make myself perfectly clear Steve: I want you to act like a fucking _angel_ over the next few weeks. I mean it.” Then with a lighter tone, “You did right by calling me and I appreciate that. So have fun tonight and text me before you go to bed.”

“Okay. Yeah, of course. Thank you Sir.” He whispers earnestly.

“Enjoy your evening baby. And stay outta trouble.”

Steve blushes. “Yes Sir.”

“Bye sweetheart.”

"Bye Daddy."

When he comes back out to the living room Robin is laying on the couch playing with a fidget spinner. “So? What did Daddy say?” She teases.

“I’m all yours tonight.” He grins.

“Awesome. Do I have some shit to tell you Steve.”

“I’ll get the wine.”

They get snuggly on the couch. Legs crossed, facing each other. They’re one-third of the way done the cheap bottle of Rosé and Robin is swinging it around in the air as she rants.

“I just don’t get it. Am I like, a magnet for straight girls? This is like the fifth one.”

Steve laughs. “Robs, you actively seek out straight girls. Last time we went out, you said you liked the challenge. Practically made me dare you to do it.”

She rolls her eyes in a defeated sort of way. “Well then you should have stopped me. Being left is not as fun as the chase.”

He reaches for the bottle and takes a swig. He eyes her for a second, “I say, we need to get you a rebound so you can forget about her. I’m pretty sure it’s karaoke night at The Beaver Café.” He wiggles his eyebrows playfully.

The side of her lip pulls up into a half smirk. “Is that allowed?”

He huffs behind closed lips. “Yeah. It’s allowed. He knows we’re hanging out.”

She looks at him expectantly. “ _But?”_

He shrugs. “I just can’t drink. Or smoke. I _really_ don’t wanna ask him after…” He trails off, trying not to turn red. “I just don’t. But tonight’s not about me, it’s about you. Wingman and designated driver at your service.” He does a dorky salute. “You need me to be a douche so you can swoop in and be the hero? Done. You need me to do the ‘Have you met my hot friend Robin?’ Done. You need me to—”

She cuts him off with a sharp laugh. “Okay amigo. I’m in. Are you okay to drive?”

He beams. “I’m good. I can even chauffer you and your hookup around town or back to your place. God, am I good or what?”

She swats him on the arm. “Alright don’t get too cocky now buddy. Don’t think you can just charm your way back onto my good side after blowing me off so many times.”

“It’s working though, right?”

“I’ll let you know,” she smirks.

*

Robin wears a red flannel shirt, dark denim jeans, a snapback and her favourite pair of Doc Marten boots. He’d say it’s her gayest outfit if _all_ her outfits weren’t so outrageously gay. Steve’s wearing a soft pink short sleeve with rolled up cuffs at the shoulders, stone washed cuffed skinny jeans and his white sneakers. They practically grew up in this dive bar in college. Spent a lot of long nights forging their friendship over spilled cocktails, dumb melodramas and drunken karaoke nights. It’s a place they both feel comfortable, bordering on nostalgic now as they grow older. No longer those young and naïve college students who partied any chance they got.

Only a few hours later and they can be found stumbling laughing out of the club. Steve mostly carrying her when Robin’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Wait, where are we going? This is a great song! I wanna dance.” And Steve knows she’s pretty wasted from the pout she’s giving him.

Also because, “We’re leaving because you showed your tits to the bartender and then stood up on a table and yelled ‘I’m gonna die alone!’”

The confusion only grows on her face. “What’s wrong with that? The Beaver Café is suddenly against tits? I bet they wouldn’t care if you showed them your tits. Sexist beavers.”

By the end of her ramblings Steve is sure she’s mostly talking to herself at this point. He sets her down on the curb to clear his head a bit. And he finds her side eyeing him.

“What?” He chuckles.

“Thanks for this dingus. I love you.” And then she’s wrapping her arms around his shoulders, almost throwing them both down against the pavement.

He squeezes her back. “You really are drunk. Sober Robin isn’t this mushy.”

“Shut up or I’ll take it back.”

“There she is.” He laughs. “Love you too Robs.”

They sit like that for a while until she starts shivering.

“C’mon champ. We should probably get you home.”

She nods against his shoulder and sits up, “Oh no. Why does the world have to spin so much? I swear I used to hold my liquor so much better than this.”

Steve rises to his feet to help her up, about to deliver a witty retort to that statement, when he notices a familiar royal blue, ‘79 Chevy Camaro parked not 20 feet down the road. Right in front of Woody’s. The all-male strip club.

He gapes as he stares. That can’t be Billy’s. Can it? How common is a car like that though? Not very.

“Steve?”

“Hold on a sec,” he mumbles as his feet pull him forward. Like he’s walking forward in a trance. Only controlled by the need to know. Not taking his eyes off the car until he’s certain.

And sure enough, it’s Billy’s car. The pendant dangling from the rear-view mirror leaves no room for doubt. He stares wide-eyed from the car to Woody’s and back again. What the fuck?

“Steve!” Robin hollers, snapping him out of his trance. “I gotta pee!”

Steve puts on a smile and chooses to avoid the feelings of impending heartache through one of his favourite escapist tendencies: helping other people. He focuses all his attention on Robin as he pulls her to her feet. “Do you want to find a washroom before we go or just have me take you home?”

She frowns and pokes his face. “What happened?”

“What do you mean?” He plays dumb.

She rolls her eyes. “I know when you’re upset Steve. I know you better than anyone,” she slurs, all matter-of-fact.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah okay. I just—that’s Billy’s car.” He points vaguely down the street. “And it’s in front of… well basically a sex dungeon. One we haven’t been to in months. So…” He trails off sounding all sorts of pitiful.

Steve knows in his head that it’s not _legitimately_ a sex dungeon but there’s a lot of crossover with the LGBTQ community and the BDSM community. He and Billy have played with guys in there on occasion and he knows anything can happen in those back rooms.

She looks at him with big watery blue eyes. And damn Robin for being such an emotional drunk right now. She squeezes his arm. “It’s okay Steve. We’ll figure it out… Maybe it’s not what you think.”

And then it’s his turn to roll his eyes. “And if it is?”

“If it is, I’ll kick his ass myself. I’m serious. I have no problem throwing down.” That pulls a laugh out of him. “I’ll even do it right now.” She cracks her knuckles and heads off in the direction she thinks is right.

It isn’t.

He grabs her by the arm and herds her toward the direction of their car. “That is very sweet of you Robs, but how about we hold off on the beating until I get all the facts.”

They spend the ten-minute drive laughing and goofing around. He reminds her that she did actually score some chick’s phone number to which she was utterly surprised, and then horrified when she asked if the girl saw her flash the bartender.

He pulls into the lot of her apartment building as he answers. “No, she had to leave pretty early. Which was probably a blessing in disguise. She seemed like a cool chick.”

Robin nods. “Hey, are you sure you don’t want me to come back to yours? Keep you company?”

“I’m okay. Really. I just gotta ask him about it… He’s always honest with me. I’m just not sure I want him to be.”

“Well, my offer still stands. To beat him up, I mean. Just so you know. Anytime, anyplace. I got your back.”

They share a warm smile and she manages to threaten Billy’s life once more before going inside.

He doesn’t remember the drive home. Body running on autopilot while his mind carries him away.

It’s 12:39 when he kicks off his shoes in the quiet of his home. He grabs a glass of water, shutting off the lights as he slinks deeper into the apartment.

He stares at his phone. This would be a good time to text Billy.

Instead, for some small sense of control and power, he waits.

Waits until after he’s showered and brushed his teeth. Waits until he’s shut off the rest of the lights and has tucked himself into bed. But not before he turns on his vinyl record player, volume low as Lana Del Rey’s voice sweeps out into every corner of the room. Her velvet voice soothing and softening as it goes.

It’s 1:04.

He pulls out his phone again and stares at Billy’s screen name in the dark.

_I want you to act like a fucking angel over the next few weeks. I mean it._

Steve sighs and flops onto his back dramatically. Wet hair spread about the pillow. He stares at the bright screen, feeling all sorts of melancholic.

He just wants to cry and let Lana’s voice lull him into dream world, okay? He doesn’t want to give Billy the satisfaction of a goodnight text when he’s out there doing god knows what.

They’re supposed to be exclusive… And okay, maybe getting lap dances from strippers wasn’t exactly in the fine print of their relationship or anything. But it should be implied.

He huffs and swallows his pride and unease and types:

_Dropped Robin off, I’m in bed. Good night Daddy_

‘Cause Steve can’t help it. He loves the bastard. And he is absolutely not crying over this. Not crying.

They’ll sort it out tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact #1 - Woody's and The Beaver Cafe are real gay bars here in Toronto, yes I'm Canadian, hello 😇
> 
> Fun Fact #2 - I used to work at a ski resort as a housekeeper and one time I had to clean this SUPER rude/bossy/entitled lady's suite and I remember thinking... Okay, I can either just stew in hatred towards this woman for the next 20 minutes while I clean OR fucking enjoy it 🤷 And it was a good time. Put me in a nice little subby headspace don't judge me


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst n shit

The next morning, Steve lazes around in bed. Keeps his ear plugs in, curtains drawn and phone on airplane mode long after he wakes up. He just lays there, for an admittedly depressing amount of time.

All brooding and tormented by his own thoughts. Visions of Billy getting lap dances from hot dudes making his stomach roll. _If_ that’s even all he was doing. No. Billy wouldn’t cheat.

But the Billy he knows wouldn’t go to a strip club either. The act alone seems too vanilla for him.

A sex dungeon or play party sure, but a regular strip club? That’s not even some place they’d go together to have a fun night.

Unless there’s _someone_ Billy is going there _for_. Like he met some cute guy who works there or – no. Steve tosses and turns again. Trying to dislodge the tight feeling in his chest.

He tries not to feel betrayed. To not feel so hurt and angry at Billy. Tries not to cry. Bites the inside of his cheek and pouts off into space.

Still has his ear plugs in which is why he doesn’t hear the knocking at his door.

No. He doesn’t hear him or see him. So when Billy puts a hand on his arm, he jumps. Takes the ear plugs out and sits up with a start. Leans his back against the headboard to catch his breath.

“Oh, hi.”

And Billy looks… happy. Loose. Well rested. He hasn’t looked this good in weeks.

Steve kind of hates it.

“Hey baby. Were you still sleeping? It’s past noon.”

Steve immediately bristles and feels the urge to defend himself. Say he wasn’t sleeping. Say he was good and didn’t drink at the club last night. Say he went to sleep right after his goodnight text to Billy.

He doesn’t say any of that.

Because Billy is practically beaming. He could power the fucking sun right now if he wanted to. And what the fuck.

Steve lets out a small huff and glances toward the window. Eyes downcast.

When he doesn’t say anything for a few long seconds, Billy clears his throat. A warning.

Then, “Steve, you know I hate repeating myself.”

Steve picks at the thread of the blanket bunched around his hip. Knows if he doesn’t answer soon, he’ll get thrown over Billy’s knee without a second thought. He knows this. But he’s also hurt. And frustrated. And fuck this.

He throws the blanket off his legs and moves to get up. But Billy’s on him. He’s too quick. Too intense. Always sees everything. Probably read Steve’s mind before his limbs even registered to move.

He’s barely upright when Billy casts an iron grip on Steve’s forearm.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He almost laughs when he says it. Like Steve is a kitten who thinks it’s gonna brave the streets of New York by itself.

And Steve hates the almost laugh. He hates it. Because it’s been ages since Billy has been like this. Normally he’d just get straight to the punishment; no room for explanations or teasing.

It makes Steve think Billy’s found someone else to make him happy. And it breaks his heart a little.

The man’s fucking glowing.

And if Steve had more self-preservation in this moment, he probably would have said something completely different than what comes out his mouth next.

“Get off of me! Let me go!”

He tries to yank his arm back, but Billy just holds on tighter. Stands taller and brings his other hand up to grip Steve’s throat. Not enough to take his breath, just enough to force him to look up. The beast in him glowing crimson behind his eyes.

“What is up with you today, huh? Spit it out,” he says harshly. Steve’s eyes harden while he continues. “I had planned a really nice day for us little one. But if you want to start it this way that’s your choice. I can beat your ass until you’re _begging_ me to hear you out. Sobbing for me to stop. And just when you think you can’t take anymore, I’ll show you just how far you can go. How much you can really take. So I’m going to give you one last chance.” He gives him a look that says, don’t be stupid.

Steve’s body had gone smaller in Billy’s grip. His body shrinking in on itself the longer he spoke. Like one animal being put in its hierarchical place on the food chain, he feels the instinct in his animal brain to submit. To survive. To not be an idiot.

As much as he could use a good cry, he doesn’t want to scene like this. Not when he’s _actually_ mad at Billy. It’s time to man up.

He stares bleakly at Billy’s collarbone and speaks quietly. “I saw you last night Billy… Well, I saw your Camaro. Parked outside of Woody’s.”

Billy eases up on his throat, so that his hand is just resting gently on skin.

“Steve,” he says softly. So soft Steve wants to chase the sound. Snatch it from the air between them and store it for a rainy day.

He forces himself to look up into those piercing blue eyes.

And he sees the man he fell in love with staring right back at him. Concern flooding his features. Crease in his brow. Face tense.

“You think I was in there getting off or something?”

And he has the balls to sound confused about it. Like that wasn’t exactly what happened. Like Woody’s isn’t a strip club where people go for that exact reason. To get off.

Steve shrugs smally. “Weren’t you?”

“Fuck no,” he answers quickly. Now Billy looks hurt. His features animated in a way they only ever are when he’s caught off guard.

He moves his hands so they’re loosely holding Steve’s wrists, thumb rubbing small circles in the palms of Steve’s hands. “No. I would never do that, Steve. Why would I? When I have you.”

There’s nothing but sincerity and truth in his expression and Steve feels a weight lift off him. That tight feeling in his chest vanishes. Replaced by something lighter. Something like relief. He feels like he can breathe again. Takes a big inhale just to prove it. Feels the relief spread to his head, fingers, and toes on the exhale.

“Oh.” He feels a small smile start to spread on his face but wait— “Why were you there then?”

Billy lets go of him. Retreats. Crosses his arms and looks away, shrugging. “Does it matter?”

“Billy, what can’t you tell me? We tell each other everything.”

Billy lets out a put-upon sigh. “This is just different…” He shakes his head like he’d rather be anywhere else. “I just—fuck. Why were you even downtown last night?”

“What? Why, so you can pass the buck back to me? I can get interrogated about what I was doing but you can’t?”

Billy’s eyes smolder alit with flames. “Watch your mouth,” he grits out behind his teeth.

Steve huffs and crosses his arms. They stare at each other like that for a heated minute. Like two bulls, seconds before the bell sounds. If one of those bulls was fairly certain the other would tear it to pieces.

But Billy is the one who breaks. He hangs his arms in defeat and runs a hand over his face, over his stubble. “Alright, I just didn’t want you to worry about me.” He moves to sit on the bed with a resigned sigh and pats the empty space beside him.

Steve sits down gingerly, not liking where this is going.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that work has been particularly stressful for me lately. I’m juggling three of our largest accounts while shuffling around staff, rebranding, and moving headquarters. It’s exhausting. Anyways, I haven’t been sleeping. Been drinking too much coffee to get through the day. Barely been eating. I just feel like shit. And I hate admitting that.” He grinds his teeth and Steve places a hand on his thigh. “I want to be ‘on’ all the time, especially for you. And so… Back when I lived in New York I used to move pills, before I went the straight and narrow – so to speak.” He smirks to himself and brushes Steve’s shoulder playfully. “And I have a buddy who sells similar stuff here. He works at Woody’s, that’s why I was there last night.”

“What kind of pills are you talking about, Billy?”

“Ritalin to get through the day. Benzos too. Just for a little while. Just until things slow down.”

Steve runs a hand through his hair and bolts up to his feet, hand on his hip. He’s shaking his head and pacing before he realizes it. “Billy…”

He can’t think of what to say.

He can’t—he can’t lose him. Or even risk losing him. Not like Nancy. He can’t.

“Baby?” Billy’s wincing as he looks up at him from the bed.

“I can’t,” Steve echoes his thoughts. “I can’t.”

“Stevie?” Billy’s got his arms around him now. Soothing, warm, safe.

Steve still shakes his head, eyes still and unmoving as he imagines all the worst possible scenarios of how this is going to end. He’s heard of people like this. Wallstreet types, entrepreneurs, businessmen burning out and overdosing or worse because they want to keep up. Can’t keep up.

“Shhh, Stevie. Everything’s gonna be okay. It’s not that big of a deal.”

And that, _infuriates_ Steve. Sets him off.

He shoves at Billy, hardest he ever has. And he can see the look of complete shock on his face and the way he stumbles to catch himself.

“Don’t say that. _Don’t fucking say that_. You’re selfish.” And it slips out before Steve can stop it.

His jaw sets. “Steve.”

“ _No_.” He storms off and slams the bathroom door shut. Locks it. Slides down the back of it and cries like a teenager in a damn soap opera.

He hears a sigh, followed by footsteps and a soft knock on the door.

“Steve, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” And he can hear him shuffling to sit down against the other side of the door. “I know if the roles were reversed, I’d be pissed too. Probably take it a lot worse.”

And Steve just aches. It takes a few long moments for Billy’s words to catch up to him through his meltdown. When they finally make their way into Steve’s head, he lets out a wet laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you apologize before.”

“Well don’t get used to it.” He retorts softly.

A small smile breaks through the barrier of Steve’s panic. Grounds him a little bit. Which leads to a whole other string of thoughts. Billy always knows how to pull him back down to Earth. The only one who’s ever broke him wide open and liked what he saw there. The only one he’s trusted enough to give him the power to destroy him, and trusted him to piece him back together; shiner, cleaner and prettier than ever before. He knows they’ve only been dating for a few months, but Steve can’t see himself wanting anyone else. Can’t see a happy future if Billy isn’t in the picture. He hadn’t let himself think about that too much until now. Now. When it feels like there’s a very real possibility that it will all be taken away. And not from personal rejection, but from something even worse. Steve would rather have Billy alive and thriving without him than watch him destroy himself. He’s seen it firsthand. And the mere thought of that happening to Billy – it rips a sob out of his chest. A deep wound there from Nancy, being sliced open again with a jagged knife. All that old grief and pain rising to the surface, only he has a new face to add to the tombstone.

“Steve, did you hear me? Baby. Please.” Steve suddenly hears the other man’s pleads between his own hysterics. “Please let me in. This is torture Steve, let me hold you.”

He unlocks the door with a shaky hand, before wrapping it back around himself. He manages to shuffle sideways so Billy can come in and scoop him up like a baby. Plopping him on his lap sideways and cupping Steve’s head to his chest. Rocking him back and forth like he might shatter if he lets him go.

The embrace comforts him, despite having to push aside the embarrassment of being coddled and cared for like a literal baby. He’s humiliated himself far worse than this with Billy on many occasions. Doesn’t think anything would scare him off now. Then again, all that other stuff was role playing, this is just Steve.

He cries a little more, just less pained and dramatic about it, as Billy rocks and shushes him, rubbing small circles onto his back. Holds him through all of it, like he always does. Like a mountain cradling a stream. Strong and firm in foundation, always willing and able to take on the shifts and changes of the water, with its unpredictable current.

“I don’t want to lose you. Not like that. I can’t – like that. Okay? We have to find a way to fix this. We have to. Before anything bad happens.” He speaks wetly into Billy’s shirt.

Billy stills a bit before tightening his grip on Steve, holding him closer to his chest. “I’m not going anywhere Steve. I promise.” He rests the side of his cheek on Steve’s head. “We’ll figure it out together, okay?”

“Okay.” Steve nods, if only to reassure himself.

They sit like that on the cold bathroom tile long enough that Steve is getting sore, so he can’t imagine how Billy’s feeling. Would be chilly too, in just his boxers and Henley t-shirt, if it weren’t for Billy’s heat.

He cranes his neck up to find intense blue orbs waiting for him. Still concerned, but flickering with hope that Steve might be feeling better.

Steve decides it’s probably best to just blurt it all out at once. Rip the bandage from his heart so Billy can sneak a peak. So that maybe he can understand.

He wipes his face on the back of his sleeve with a sniffle. “I had a best friend… Nancy. We were as close as it gets. We grew up next door to each other. And freshman year of college she started taking Adderall. She had a heavy course load that semester and wanted to keep a high GPA. She said it wasn’t a big deal.” He glances back up. “She overdosed two months later. Some keg party I was supposed to go to. She was drinking. She never drank.” He swallows, “I didn’t find out she died until first period. Her brother called me. Thought I was gonna be sick. My heart broke that day Billy. And I can’t go through that again. I just can’t.”

Billy nods somberly. “I wouldn’t want you to.” He looks like his heart hurts to even think about it. Which is comforting, in a way.

They share heavy silence for what feels like a long time.

Billy seems to be deep in thought, while Steve spaces out entirely. He’s truly exhausted himself at this point. Doesn’t really have much room for thoughts to come and go. Billy never seems to have that problem.

Eventually, Steve needs to stretch his legs to shake out the tingly numbness of them. The movement seems to break the silent spell that was cast upon them. And time starts to move at regular speed again.

“Wanna move to the bed?” Billy asks. “I don’t know if you’re aware, but I’m an excellent big spoon.”

Steve gives him a hint of a smile. “Do you have the reviews to back up your claims?”

“Five stars baby. Satisfaction guaranteed.” He throws in a gentle wink for good measure.

And how can Steve argue with that?

Billy helps him to his feet and stretches his arms and neck out a bit before leading them to bed, hand in hand.

He kicks off his shoes and slips under the covers, arms open and waiting. Steve crawls under the covers before getting swaddled in a pile of blankets and tucked under heavy arms.

“You hungry baby? You need to eat?” He asks softly behind Steve’s ear.

“I’m okay. Just wanna lie like this for a little while.”

Wants to memorize the heat of Billy behind him. Wants to memorize what his body feels like pressed into his. How his arms feel, what he smells like. How he makes him feel. Steve take a few deep breaths in, tired eyes drooping shut.

Billy pets along the skin he can reach. Breath steady and even; almost demonstrative. So, it’s easy for Steve to fall into rhythm with the exaggerated breathing. He wonders if it’s a meditation technique Billy’s acquired somewhere. Must be.

Billy is the healthiest, most stable and put-together man he has ever met. And yet he _still_ doesn’t feel good enough. Expectations always so high. For himself and for others. A blessing and a curse. And Steve will be damned if he lets anything happen to him. Vows in these moments to protect Billy from himself.

Steve doesn’t realize sleep is claiming him again until Billy’s deep voice breaks the connection.

“I don’t deserve you Steve.”

Steve frowns. Tries to wiggle free from the tangle of heavy limbs. To his surprise, Billy lets him.

Steve turns over to face him properly. “You don’t mean that.”

The poised man studies Steve’s features for a moment, eyes searching. Voice certain when he says, “I mean it.”

And Steve doesn’t know what to do with a confession like that. Just reaches. Pushes, further into the haunted man’s orbit. Ends up with his head tucked under Billy’s chin. Arms curled around his torso.

Whatever is happening right now feels heavy. Feels important. Steve just wishes he had the intelligence to figure it out, and the vocabulary to describe it.

Instead, he just holds Billy where he is. Kisses him gently where he can. And let’s his heart flip flop and grow too big for his chest.

*

They end up napping together like that. Well, Steve naps. Billy says he didn’t fall asleep but Steve can see some crust in the corner of his eyes, so he’s suspicious.

Steve lets out a groan, weighted down by that feeling of _whatyearisitwhatdayisitwhoami_ when you’ve slept for too long. And Billy laughs at him, forever amused by the discomfort of others. Steve grumbles some more and manages to reach for his phone to read the time: 3:55.

And that’s when realization hits Steve like a train. “ _Wait_ , you said you had a whole day planned for us!”

Billy shrugs and looks at his own watch. “We still have tonight.”

Steve pouts, doe eyes taking over his expression. “But–” He looks down just as Billy’s hand comes up to cup his face.

“Don’t worry about it, sugar. I wanted to spend the day with you. Doesn’t matter how we spend it.”

Steve’s features soften a bit. “Okay. But will you tell me though?”

Billy chuckles. “How about we save the surprise for next time, yeah?”

The pout comes back with a vengeance, he squints his eyes into his best intimidating glare. _Tell me._

Billy gives him an amused half smile, teeth coming out to bite his lower lip.

He leans forward to kiss Steve’s rosy, pursed lips. Giving his neck a quick flirt of a squeeze.

“You’re so cute when you’re needy baby.”

Steve huffs at that. Shoulders dropping, face glancing away shyly. “You’re just mean to me.”

That rips out a full-blown laugh out of Billy. He throws his head back and everything. Probably just to be a dick.

“Yeah, I’m the worst, aren’t I? Planning a full day of –” He feigns a look of shock. “Oops, I almost gave it away.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Yeah well…”

Billy closes the small distance between them on the bed, walking over to him on his knees. He muscles Steve down until he’s on his back. He goes easy. Pliant and submissive as thick thighs pin him by his waist. Billy leans down so he’s hovering over him by a few inches, hand still on his neck.

“Well what?” He breathes, half lazy half dangerous. The Hargrove specialty.

Steve swallows under Billy’s hand as his cheeks turn rosy pink. His Master’s wolfish grin bares more teeth the longer Steve squirms silently beneath him.

He gives Steve’s throat a little more pressure and it earns him a whimper from Steve’s lips. Doe eyes wide as the rest of him shrinks smaller.

“God, you are _so_ fun to play with. Always so good for Daddy, aren’t ya princess?”

Steve nods as much as this position allows and lets out a small noise of agreement.

Dark and hungry eyes sweep over Steve’s face, over his body. Perhaps toying with the idea to reprimand Steve for that slip up on protocol.

A growl rumbles out of Billy’s chest. Followed by a few steadying breaths before he eases off of him.

Steve feels both relief and disappointment when Billy stands up, cool air rushing in to fill the space between them.

Billy starts adjusting his pants and smoothing out the wrinkles from his crumpled shirt. “Daddy needs to get some food into his baby boy before they’re allowed to play again, isn’t that right?”

Steve’s attention turns from his dick to his neglected stomach. He missed dinner last night too. He frowns as he rubs his stomach. “Yeah Daddy.”

And he instantly regrets how expressive and readable he must be as Billy’s eyes turn sharp on him. “When was the last time you ate?” He asks suspicious, but willing to be proved wrong.

Steve scratches the back of his head. “Uhh,” He literally has to think about it. Yesterday was a busy day at the shop. “I had lunch.”

“Today?”

“Yesterday,” he answers shyly.

Billy tilts his head and glares. Runs his tongue over his teeth. “You’re really testing me today Steve.” He stalks towards him slow. “I am _this close_ to taking off my belt, you understand baby?”

Arousal hits like a ton of bricks, makes him feel dizzy with the need to _kneel_ and be _good_.

“Get your butt in the shower, change into some fresh clothes and I want you sitting at the kitchen table in _15 minutes_. I’ll cook us some dinner. _Now._ Before I change my mind.”

He scrambles around the brick wall that is Billy, barely remembering to throw a “Yes Sir” over his shoulder before stripping down and hurling himself into the shower. Feels at ease now, having Billy so close. Having rules enforced. He really felt like he was spiraling all night. His sanity slowly unravelling, thought by thought, the longer he tossed and turned. Now, he feels clear. Feels capable. Feels like if he stumbles or trips, he has someone to catch him.

He sighs under the hot stream of water. Letting it wash away the angst of the day. He still wants to talk to Billy about what they’re going to do next. But for now, his fear is momentarily subdued. Billy will listen to him. They will figure this out together. Steve will keep him safe.


End file.
